Should We Marry?

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We're looking at the final section of 1 Corinthians 7 today. In verses 1 to 24 Paul has been mainly addressing married people. He has corrected a false strand of Corinthian thinking which said 'It's more spiritual for married couples to refrain from sex'. He then spring-boarded from that specific issue to the wider issue of how the Corinthians viewed singleness or marriage. Some were married to a non-Christian partner and they were impatient to change their circumstances thinking: 'If I divorce my non-Christian husband/wife, then I can serve God better.' Paul said: don't! Your marriage is good! Stay there – and serve God!

In verses 25 to 40, Paul now moves on to addressing single people. The word 'betrothed' in verse 25 means single people who have not yet married, but are engaged to be married.

Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgement as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.

Paul has no direct teaching from Jesus, but he is giving his trustworthy judgement for us to navigate through this complex and sensitive area.

So, to put this in email form, if verses 1 to 24 is: To married people, Cc Single people

Then verses 25 to 40 is: To single people, Cc married people

But will we read this email? Or leave it unread? Or spam-filter it out? I think for many single people, this is a hard part of Scripture to read. Many single people are fed up with receiving unsolicited advice about marriage. If that's you, remember that Paul didn't write to impose his views on them – he wrote to them about these issues because they asked him to! 1 Corinthians 7.1:

concerning the matters you wrote about."

1 Corinthians 7.25:

concerning the betrothed.

Maybe you are fed up with people speaking insensitively to you in this area. Paul's letter here is full of deep pastoral concern for their godliness.

1 Corinthians 7.28, 1 Corinthians 7.32 – he wants to spare you worldly troubles and anxieties.

1 Corinthians 7.35 – he speaks for your benefit to secure your undivided focus on Jesus.

Maybe you are fed up with people speaking dictatorially to you. But Paul writes in a robust, but low-pressure style:

1 Corinthians 7.35 – he doesn't want to lay restraint on you.

1 Corinthians 7.36 and 1 Corinthians 7:39 – he gives freedom to choose wisely in this area.

So please listen. Please don't spam filter out Paul's message. Let's pray!

Father, help us to listen to – and live by what you say. In Jesus' name, Amen.

1. The Urgency of Serving God (1 Corinthians 7.26-31)

I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman[h]marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

So far Paul's teaching is following on from verses 1 to 25: if you're married, stay married. If you're single, stay single – but if you want to marry, that's fine…

…But like a DJ who has started to mix a slower DJ Tiesto trance classic into a faster Matt Darey trance classic, we're now hearing Paul's familiar words against a faster background. There's now urgency in his tone.

He says in verse 26, "in view of the present distress". What is this "present distress"? Various guesses are made: the distress of persecution or the distress of the chaotic church issues in Corinth… but we don't need to guess, because Paul explains for us!

1 Corinthians 7.29:

This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short.

1 Corinthians 7.31:

the present form of this world is passing away.

Paul is saying that we've got to put our questions, concerns, hopes and fears, joys and challenges of marriage and singleness in the context of the bigger picture: Jesus is coming back! This world is passing away!

Feel the tone of Paul's urgency:

From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.

Paul is not saying it's wrong to marry, or to mourn, or to study, or to work, or to buy a house – his point is that all these things are this-life-only things – they are necessary, they are good, but they are not ultimate – so we should not be engrossed or consumed by them, but set all these things in the bigger context of the return of Jesus Christ to judge the world.

But some of you who are married might be thinking, how can you live as if you are not married?! Paul is not giving married people excuses to give up their marriage responsibilities, but he wants them – and us – to put the interests of the gospel first in their marriage.

I think this means not being so precious about guarding 'family time' that you won't serve Jesus sacrificially.
Now this is a delicate balancing act – each family is different – but for you it might mean being willing to invite non-Christian friends round for a Saturday BBQ rather than just feeling you deserve a proper break…

Or as we look at leadership needs in the church family for 2019-20, it might mean being willing to sacrifice one evening a week of family time for one of you or both for you to serve in the youth work, or the UK student work…

The principle is that married couples should prioritise gospel service in marriage, because Jesus is coming back.

Apologies to those of you are teachers for using this illustration, but imagine you return to work on Monday morning and receive a phone call from OFSTED, how does that affect you?! Well, you still need to be teaching history lessons, marking homework, doing curriculum planning, meeting with parents, doing badminton club after school, but it's no longer those tasks which take over your mind – your mind is now consumed by being ready for OFSTED: am I ready? It's the same with Jesus' return – though, unlike an OFSTED visit, it's something to look forward to – if you are Christian.

Of course as a Christian, you need to care for family members, visit friends in hospital, repair things that break in your house… but don't be consumed by life in this world. It's passing away. And you're passing through.

This is a very obvious point, but it's also very neglected. In terms of marriage, for example, it's easy to grow up with a subconscious 'calendar' in your mind which takes over your thinking.
- Mid-twenties: meet the man/woman of my dreams
- Late-twenties: marry
- Thirties: have children

And if that has been your experience (as it has been my experience), we easily become quite smug – and if it hasn't been your experience, you can easily panic or feel like you're missing out. Paul is saying to both groups: keep these things in the bigger perspective! Stop living as if life was all about being single and being married! It's all about serving God urgently before Jesus returns!

Which leads me to my next point…

2. The Anxieties of Married Life (1 Corinthians 7.32-35)

Paul has already brought up this point in verse 28 where he says:

those who marry will have worldly troubles and I would spare you that…

but here in verse 32, he expands further…

I want you to be free from anxieties.

What does Paul mean here? Paul is making the point that marriage (for all its advantages of companionship and partnership) does carry with it a greater weight of anxieties – which although often good and necessary – do preoccupy the minds of married people and pull their attention away from focussing on the return of the Lord Jesus, serving him and relationship with him.

And this is not sinful! It's just a hard fact! Look at verse 32:

The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.

Before I say more on this, can I plead for you to hear me correctly? Paul is not saying that marriage is unimportant. If we're married, godliness in our family life is the main area we need to be working on all the time.

And that includes caring practically for the complex needs of our families. In 1 Timothy 5:8 the same Paul says in the strongest language:

if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

OK, now we're on the same page, I'll say more about the anxieties of marriage. I'm conscious that if I have been treading on eggshells already, now I'm really treading on eggshells! But please hear me out!

Here is a quote from a Puritan Pastor, Richard Baxter, who according to all sources I've consulted, had an excellent, healthy marriage. But he writes bluntly about the anxieties of marriage:

The business of a married state often devours almost all your time, so that little time is left for holy contemplations or serious thoughts of the life to come. All God's service is contracted and thrust into a corner and done as it were on the by. The world will scarcely allow you time to meditate or pray or read the Scripture; you think yourselves, like Martha, under a great necessity of dispatching your business than of sitting at Christ's feet to hear his Word. Oh, that single persons knew (for the most part) the preciousness of their leisure and how free they are to attend to the service of God and learn his Word in comparison to the married!

Baxter's pastoral concern is exactly the same as that of Paul.

I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Many married people, I think, secretly wonder whether serving Jesus and being married was really meant to be this hard. You are sitting here full of anxiety, lacking in energy, vexed by complaints, tempted to worldliness and distracted from Jesus. It's important for you and I to not resent these anxieties, but to recognise them as part and parcel of married life.

And I think we can serve our single brothers and sisters by talking with them more candidly than we do about the anxieties of marriage, rather than giving them a falsely optimistic picture of marriage.

Single brothers and sisters: a word of encouragement. I had a Skype conversation with an Indonesian Christian a couple of years back. He came to Newcastle to study, then returned home. He said that one of the things that had really struck him during his time here in the UK was how single women at JPC were really committed to serving the Lord – rather than just waiting for marriage. You are living out Paul's teaching here! Well done!

3. The Freedom To Choose Wisely (1 Corinthians 7.36-40)

Paul closes by addressing single people in three different situations. And in each case, he encourages them to use their freedom to choose wisely.

Firstly, Paul addresses engaged people who are struggling to be sexually pure.

If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly towards his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin.

These single people would be what we would call 'engaged' couples today. And Paul is saying that for some engaged Christian couples, if sexual attraction is starting to grow rapidly (perhaps you have already sinned in this area), it's better to get married sooner rather than later.

I think this brings into question the wisdom of long protracted engagements which are driven by practicalities (like securing the perfect wedding venue in two years' time). Sexual purity is always a challenge, but perhaps particularly for engaged Christian couples. It's so easy to think: "We're going to get married anyway, aren't we?"

Secondly, Paul addresses those who are engaged and managing to be sexually pure.

But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better.

It's tricky to understand the original cultural context of verse 37 here. What's the wisdom in getting engaged to someone in the first place without the deliberate intention of marriage? I'm not sure. Certainly, it's a reminder that engagements can be broken if it's unwise to proceed to marriage.

But, for single people who are not engaged, I think verse 37 encourages you to stay single, if you want to – and are able to, in terms of sexual self-control.

I think of a friend of mine from elsewhere in the UK. When I first got to know him about ten years ago, his mind was consumed with seeking a marriage partner. Every time we met for lunch this topic would come up!
But ten years on, his attitude has changed. He's still single. But I think he now has a more godly, balanced attitude. He's a godly son to his parents, a disciplined worker, a faithful small group leader, a good friend and he gives some of his free time to help with the church accounts. He's open to the possibility of marriage, but he's not rushing into it, because he knows that marriage has anxieties and singleness has advantages. It's great to see!

Thirdly, Paul addresses married people who have been bereaved of their spouse.

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. Yet in my judgement she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.

If you have been bereaved of your spouse, marrying again may not have crossed your mind. But if or when it does, Paul says that you are free to marry again if you would like to. The marriage bond is broken by death – and only death can break it – but Paul says you must marry in the Lord – you must only marry another Christian. (By the way that's the same for any single people seeking to marry. And the reason is not to limit your options, but for your good to make sure you keep serving Jesus as Lord.) But Paul finishes in verse 40 by urging Christian bereaved of their spouse that they may be happier continuing to serve God as a single person.

That's the message of 1 Corinthians 7.25-40 to single people (with married people Ccd):
-The Urgency of Serving God
-The Anxieties of Marriage
-The Freedom to Choose Wisely

Paul's teaching here is not a quick-fix solution. It's not like a Mars bar which gives you a quick energy high. It's more like a hearty sausage casserole which will take time to digest and work its way out in your life.

So let's be patient in helping one another, whether married or single, to apply this teaching to our lives.
And let's pray for God's Spirit to do his painful, slow, but very necessary work in us of re-orientating our thinking in this area to match God's thinking.

Let's pray.

Father God, please help us to see our circumstances from your perspective and not our own. Help us to make wise decisions about marriage and singleness and help us to focus on serving you. In Jesus' name, Amen.
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